Moan for me like Helen Keller
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Randomize