If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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