i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
