What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
