Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
