Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
