that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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