how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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