Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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