I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
