I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
