I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
