I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
