I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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