we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I could make wine with my vomit
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
