just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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