you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
