before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize