She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I think my vagina is haunted
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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