I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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