I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
