she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
