I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
