shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
