She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
