i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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