don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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