I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
