I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
