and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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