I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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