so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize