I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Randomize
