I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
