i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I want to be your penis for a week.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
