im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
