She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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