that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize