I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
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