if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
