I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
