make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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