as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
