I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
