And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
high people should be assigned attendants
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize