We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
