so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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