turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
