I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize