:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
