White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Randomize
