i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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