I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You can't special order awesome
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
