He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
