please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
