Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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