Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
