I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
