Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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