1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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