I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
