everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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