Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
