I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
