If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I CAN MOONWALK!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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