ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize