I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
