If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
