I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We have started to decorate penises.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
