I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
