Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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