I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize