just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize