i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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