Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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