He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
