had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
