ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
