oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
