I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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