i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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