At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize