Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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