We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
