so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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