i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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