I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
