How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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