Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
