Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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