I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
