She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
