woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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