Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
