somebody snuck up and got me drunk
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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