Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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