Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
