just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
