i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize